Honoring September Eleven

I was with my Yoga Teacher Training classmates on September 11.  Summer Quashie, our guru, reminded us to honor that horrific day for all the sufferings and also the possibilities of positive changes that followed.  Imagine that all people around the world had an “experience” watching the towers collapsed (even more if they had no reaction at all).  The impact one felt in Germany could be greater than one felt several blocks away and many were inspired to make a difference. The experience made me think of the present, where I was, how I felt being there and if I wanted to be there in the future.

When the second plane crashed into the towers I had not slept but a few hours in the last 48. My first thoughts were hoping that all the fashion shows and party that we had to produce that day would all be cancelled.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  I am not proud of that reaction, even if it lasted only seconds, but it was a catalyst that will affect a lifetime.  Many of us ran home to be with families the rest of us sat in front of the TV, bleary eyed, opened mouth and speechless.  We watched and watched and watched.

After that day, a few of my friends stopped working or changed their jobs and even career.  They knew what I discovered recently.  "They were not happy with who they had become."  For me, it took many more crisis before I had the courage to confront my doppelganger.  The first of many battles that I had to fight included leaving everything I had in New York.  After selling all my belongings (it was very difficult to part with Manolo and Gucci, even if they were just shoes). I flew to Paris with two suitcases.  Thank God, my best friend met me at Charles De Gaulle Airport.  Except for Hong Kong and Indonesia, France was the only country I "knew."  New York was and is my home and I was very sad to leave but I did.  I told myself that I would come back when the old, real me returned.

I returned to New York in 2005, after only 13 months in Paris.  I threw myself back at work and at the same tried to hold on to the person I had recovered after many months alone, searching and writing.  It was difficult working in an industry where my integrity was constantly tested.  I started to see the contradictions in my work and personal beliefs.  More than a few times, I compromised my values to accomplish a project.  The means justified the end was my mantra!  I was collapsing, loosing my grounding and the fall was harder and higher than I had ever experienced.